Keep Your Cool in the Heat of Show Season: Coping Tips for Show Parents
Most riders prefer to be with friends or trainers at the in-gate; parents should give them their space.
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In the Southern part of the US, where I live, showing is a year-round activity, but some parts of the country don't really gear up until the weather turns better. Now that it's spring, show season is busting out all over. For our junior exhibitors it's back to getting ribbons and getting the gate; while you're helping out by polishing boots and cleaning tack, make sure you spiff up your "supportive show parent" skills as well. How well your child reacts to the ups and downs of competition will often be a direct result of how well you as the parent handle them. There are shows where your kid will be on top of the world and other shows where she will demand that you sell the horse, she never wants to see him again. It's up to you to keep a sense of perspective, which helps her develop hers as she matures as a person and as a rider. One Horse Show mom has some great observations on the stresses and strains of competition (see link below, "Horse Show Mom…and More.") She tells how her own parents never asked, after a weekend of showing, whether or not she and her sister had won ribbons. I'm not sure whether I qualify for that level of sainthood, but it's something to aspire to! Even when you're doing your best to be level-headed, you'll find you have that intense, irrational parental involvement in your child's performance. Parents cope with this in different ways. Some parents I know find it's easier not to watch their children in the ring; that way they can't critique them afterwards. At the first shows I went to, I found myself holding my breath throughout each class, which somehow didn't seem to help me or my rider! Now I try to remind myself that this is her experience, not mine, and the more objective I can stay, the calmer we both seem to be. Figure out when the vulnerable times are for your rider. My daughter and her friends have noted that they usually prefer not to talk to their parents right before or right after their rides. As well-meaning and supportive as we may be, that's the time when they'd rather be hearing from their riding friends and trainers with last minute advice or post-ride commentary, not their mom and dad. I try to stay away from the in-gate, or at least keep my comments brief and supportive. At one point in my daughter's show experience, it seemed that we were most likely to get crosswise with each other from the time she began to dress for her ride until she went into the ring. I started letting her get ready by herself with the help of friends, and left for the stands as soon as I possibly could (even though I was sure all the other mothers were talking about me!) It kept both our tempers even, and she eventually grew out of that hyper-sensitive phase. Your child will probably have different flash points at different ages, so you'll do a lot of readjusting as you go along to determine what works best for each of you. Sometimes it helps to try to learn as much as you can about the experience of competition on horseback, even if you are not riding. The links below will send you to articles on the psychology of riding by sport psychologists that can help you as a parent understand the stresses your rider has. Remember that your son or daughter is in this for the whole experience. As with any sport, learning to do his or her best and be a good sport and team member is of more lasting value to your child than a wall full of ribbons. (c) 2003 Ange Dickson Finn All Rights Reserved
Past articles by Ange Finn:
Keep Your Cool in the Heat of Show Season: Coping Tips for Show Parents (June, 2003) | That Championship Season (August, 2003) | Interview with Dr. Janet Sasson Edgette (December, 2003) | Horse For Sale: Humor in Advertising (March, 2004) | Life Lessons from the Show Circuit (May, 2004) | Selling Your Horse: Retread or Retire? (July, 2004) | Clothes, Clothes, Who's Got the Clothes? (November, 2004) | Making a List (December, 2004) | From The Horse Show Dad's Mouth (March, 2005) | How to Dress Your Young Rider for the First Lesson (July, 2005) | 5.5 Tips to Make Money--To Spend on Your Kid's Horse! (January, 2006) | Best of the West: Fashion for Western Riders (August, 2003) | Hunter Fashionistas in the Show Ring (February, 2005) | Simplify Your Show Season--As If! (February, 2006) | Take That Riding Vacation (July, 2006) | Well-Groomed for Show (July, 2006) | (January, 2007) | (February, 2007) | From The Other Side of the Rail (April, 2007) | So Very English: Fashion for Hunter Riders (September, 2003) | Finding A Trainer (October, 2003) | Finding The Horse: Owning vs. Leasing (November, 2003) |
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